Thoughts

I think i hate people and what they have done.
I have major trust issues.
I look around at the world and i hate what has happened.
I hate people
I hate people i dont even know
 I hate them because they have the nerve to smile at me
I hate them because they are happier than me
I hate them because my life will never be that perfect
I will never have the happiness i see them with
My life is falling apart and for once its not my fault

I feel like i don't belong any where any more
Financially my world has fallen to shit
My friends and family have started to drift away
I feel although they only want to know me when they want something or i have to be the one who makes the effort i never get a call to just ask how i am.

I'm that friend that you will say is your friend but you never fucking make an effort all of this hurts even more because i live in an area where i know fucking no one, the only people i know are the people i live with, the friends i do have left i feel are friends with me out of obligation rather then because they want to. The only friend i do have lives in the city and well he works full time 2 jobs and the time we spends together we drink so its not really a proactive friendship.

Ive lost everything i have but gained a wonderful partner and great in-laws. I'm having a emo post because shit is so fucked up in my head and i dont really understand how it all went so wrong.

But at the end of the day all that matters is that i have Husbandface and i have Spawn and we have a roof over our heads even if it means that we have no money at all and cant afford Christmas :(